Amy Schimmel, 69, at Sharon Gardens Cemetery in Westchester, NY, where she placed a stone on the headstone of her aunt and uncle. Sept. 15, 2025. (Credit: Mia Anzalone)
As morning light poured in through the windows, Rabbi Scott Kalmikoff, 32, buckled the seat belt of Eleanor Oliff, 83, in the backseat of a seven-seater Toyota minivan parked neatly in front of the Riverdale YM-YWHA.
Two seats in the middle of the van were gutted, accommodating Oliff’s walker. She settled in next to Amy Schimmel, 69, a retired psychotherapist, as Kalmikoff climbed into the driver’s seat.
By 9:30 a.m., the trio were off to Sharon Gardens and Mount Pleasant cemeteries in Westchester — about a 30-minute drive from the Riverdale community center — to visit their families’ graves, a tradition ahead of Rosh Hashanah, or the Jewish new year, which began Sept. 22 and ended Sept. 24 this year.
Kalmikoff, Riverdale Y’s director of community engagement, started the cemetery visits in 2022, after identifying that many of Riverdale’s Jewish seniors had limited opportunities to visit the graves of their loved ones — located across the five boroughs and New Jersey — due to long commutes or lack of resources.
When asked how Riverdale’s Jewish seniors would visit their families’ graves prior to the organized trips, Kalmikoff said, “a lot of them didn’t.” Relatives who used to drive them around now can’t for various reasons, he said, or because “they themselves passed away.”
According to the United Jewish Appeal Federation of New York, adults over 65 make up 20% of Riverdale’s population, 40% of whom identify as Jewish. In Riverdale, the need for senior services has been one of the community board’s top three priorities for the past three years, according to its statement of needs.
Some of Riverdale’s Jewish seniors now visit their late relatives only this time of year with Kalmikoff.
“This is one aspect that provides a meaningful connection to people, for people, to who they are, where they come from and their place in the world,” Kalmikoff said.
This particular trip marked the first-ever organized visit to Westchester for Riverdale’s seniors. Since Sept. 8, Kalmikoff has shuttled three separate trips to cemeteries in Queens, Brooklyn, Long Island and New Jersey, with about 40 seniors total, many of them returnees from over the years.
“I’ve memorized where their loved ones are buried,” Kalmikoff said. “I know exactly where they are.”
Oliff’s husband of 59 years, Sheldon, died after falling off his bed in 2022, three days after he moved into Hebrew Home, a nursing home in Riverdale. Monday’s visit was the first time Oliff visited her husband since he died, she said.
Following her husband’s death, Oliff underwent gallbladder surgery and now uses a walker in recovery. It’s the main reason why she’s unable to visit, she said.
“I couldn’t,” Oliff said. “I can’t even walk.”
When Oliff and Kalmikoff arrived at her husband’s flat headstone, Kalmikoff recited Mizmor Kaf Gimmel, or Psalm 23 in Hebrew, a comforting hymn for the end of life, Kalmikoff said.
Eleanor Oliff, 83, wears a lace hairpiece from her wedding while paying respect to her husband who died in 2022 after falling off of a bed in the Riverdale nursing home Hebrew Home. Sept. 15, 2025. (Credit: Mia Anzalone)
In a moment alone, Oliff lifted the seat of her walker and pulled out a white lace doily kippah, the same one she wore on her wedding day. She clipped it to her short hair, muttering a prayer to herself. Then, according to Jewish custom, Oliff picked three nearby stones and placed them on the grave to mark her visit and symbolically represent the company of her two adult sons, Andrew and Daniel.
“I feel sad, but I’m glad he’s safe,” Oliff said, who described her husband as “a good man.”
Schimmel said she didn’t know how she was feeling after visiting her aunt and uncle at Sharon Gardens and her grandparents’ mausoleum at Mount Pleasant. Her family ties strained over her lifetime, which impacted her relationship to Jewish culture, she said. Commemorating the High Holidays now, is less about potlucks and familial gatherings for her, but self-reflection.
“There’s mixed feelings,” Schimmel said, tearing up. “As you get older, you become a little more in touch with what’s important. You’re not healing with others, but with yourself.”
Oliff said the meaning of Rosh Hashana “wanes” as she’s aged. “It hasn’t been the same since my husband died,” Oliff said.
But as the van merged onto the Bronx River Parkway to head back to Riverdale, Oliff lightened.
“I’m glad I got to see him today,” she said.
About the author(s)
Mia Anzalone is a M.S. Journalism student from Kailua, Hawai'i covering arts, culture, religion and Indigenous affairs.